She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
