just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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