I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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