My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
