Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
