we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
