you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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