I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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