yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
