All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
