if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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