and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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