HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
