Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
