Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
