My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
