I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
