Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
