Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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