you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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