your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
