listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
