I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My balls are so social today.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
