super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this will be a night to untag.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
