What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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