I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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