I wanna passion pit in your ass
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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