you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
