currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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