What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
