I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
