I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
