I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
