If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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