apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
