did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
