I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize