shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
