clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
