The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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