After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
