i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
