That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
These tits shall not be calmed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
