I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
