when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize