"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
