Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
