Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize