you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
