i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize