we're blogging at a bar
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
