No awkward lesbian experiences without me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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