Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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