i just google imaged poop.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
