Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
