when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
