honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
