So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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