Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
