how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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