new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
