Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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