areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize