Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
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