Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
