we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
