Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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