U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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