i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
