She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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