I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
