I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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