ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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