i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
false alarm. still invincible.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
