I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
