she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
