Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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