it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
