Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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